How You Are Creating Your Life Experiences, Both Good & Bad!

Every single thing you do is creating those experiences.

You are creating all the experiences that you are having in your life, both good and bad!

Now I can hear you saying, that’s ridiculous Paul, I don’t want to feel bad, it’s my boss, husband, wife, and colleagues who are making me feel bad! Why would I choose to feel bad, it’s all those around me doing it to me.

I can’t control all these external people and events that are making me feel this way.

Ok, I hear you, and I can understand how you can see it that way. Let’s slow it down and dive a little deeper. I was having a conversation with a client, recently and he thought the very same thing.

He came into my office and was very annoyed how everyone around him was responsible for how he was feeling. He viewed everyone around him as responsible for how he was feeling, hence creating a negative life experience.

So I asked him.

Where are you having all these negative life experiences? He looked at me with a frown and squinted eyes and said, I just told you, with my boss, friends, and my partner, weren’t you listening?

Yes, I heard that, but where are these specific experiences taking place?

They are taking place right in front of my eyes, that’s why I’m so angry!

There in lies the problem!

It’s An Inside Job

Your life experiences, both good and bad are happening in your internal world. They are happening in your mind and body. You are creating that cocktail experience within your own mind and body.

Your external world of reality is neutral, it’s just doing its thing.

You create your own experience within your body by how you respond to the outside world of reality. When your boss says something to you, you respond to it, then experience that response inside yourself.

It’s not what’s happening in the world, it’s your interpretation of what you see happening in the world that is creating your experience.

Take a big deep breath in, and out. Stay with me.

This is how it looks when you slow the process down.

Stimulus Reality = Mind Story = Elicit Emotion = Creates Behavior = Produces Results

1. Stimulus in Reality

Something in the world happens, I see it through my 5 senses, and take the information into my internal world of thought. Now I have all this sensory data in my mind and my next step is to organize it and make it intelligible.

Example: I’m walking behind someone through a swinging door and the door swings towards me and hits my arm.

2. Mind Story

Now you will make all this sensory data into something intelligible in your mind. You will make up one of two stories in your mind.

a) You will make up a good story +

b) You will make up a bad story –

Example: That person was so rude to let the door swing towards me and hit my arm. They knew I was behind them and they still did it! That’s so bad of them.

3. Elicit Emotions

Now depending on your story, either + or -, you will elicit corresponding emotions. The negative story will elicit negative emotions like anger, and sadness, as well as a loss of focus and energy, which will put you in a negative state.

Example: Now you feeling angry, a little sad, annoyed, distracted, a loss of energy, and in a negative state.

4. Create Behavior

Now that you have dropped down into a negative state, you will have negative corresponding behavior. Your negative behavior will now attract similar negative energy to you. Like attracts like.

Example: You have dropped from a positive state to a negative state and your behavior is now in line with the negative state.

5. Produces Results

Now you have taken on a negative, state, or negative behavior, you will attract results that are in line with that type of state and behavior. Now, these will be the sub-optimal results you will attract to yourself.

Example: In this low state and behavior you are attracting other people and events vibrating at the same frequency which can result in arguments and conflicts.

Take Ownership Of Your Experience

You are 100% in control of your mind (where your experience is happening) therefore you are 100% in control of your life experience.

Your job is to make up GOOD stories (No2: Mind Stories) about what’s happening around you, and what’s happening in your environment.

In our example of the swinging door, if you made up a story that, the person in front of you didn’t see you, they were in a hurry, they were late for work, then you would not elicit negative emotions that would send you in a spiraling slippery slope into a negative state and negative results.

Our job is to increase our EQ (Emotional Quadrant / Intelligence) so we can not react to all the stimuli we are presented with in a fast-changing world.

Take control of your mind and emotions and stop blaming the outside world for how you feel because you know better now. Step up, take control of your life and become an awesome storyteller as a tool to manage your mind and excel in this wonderful world (that’s my story, that’s my experience) in which we live.

Paul Simos is an accomplished Executive Life Coach, Health Coach & Certified Trainer.

He has a fundamental belief about his clients which frames how they work together i.e. they already have everything they need to achieve success. His role as a coach is to stimulate and challenge his clients to unlock their successful beliefs, skills, and behavior patterns.

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