2 Types of Communication, One That Will Set You Free

How do we respond when experiencing a challenging exchange of words?

Whether it is in our professional or personal life, one of the key factors of our success is the ability to communicate in a positive and effective way that creates win/win outcomes, builds rapport, and creates lasting relationships.

We, humans, are very complex creatures and it’s not always easy to navigate relationships, emotions, egos, etc when communicating with others. It can be extremely difficult in corporate life because we don’t have a real say as to whom we work with. Our personal lives can also be fraught with a minefield of emotions ready to explode at the slightest provocation from an innocent conversation.

How do we keep our communication simple and effective, manage others’ emotions, as well as our own, and create deep, meaningful, lasting, win/win relationships?

“The quality of your life is the quality of your communication”.

Tony Robbins.

Many great world leaders, and business leaders all place very high importance on communication, building effective teams, and the ability to influence for a win/win outcome.

I learned very valuable insight from the work of Tony Robbins, many years ago, and have applied it in my life, sharing it with clients and friends, which transformed my relationships, clients’ relationships, and how we communicate with others.

Learn this same lesson I’m about to share with you and you will be well on your way to improving and excelling in your communication both at the office and at home.

2 Types of Communication

No 1: Communication of Love

In this type of communication, everything is flowing perfectly well. It’s a two-way street, back and forth, talking and listening. It’s like you’re talking with your best friend or a family member. You feel comfortable, relaxed, learning, growing, and contributing. It’s a lovely exchange of words and energy, that leaves you both feeling satisfied and content at the end of the conversation.

These are the conversations that we enjoy the most and have the foundation of lifelong friendship and connection. We surround ourselves with such people and deepen the love and connection during the passage of time.

We serve these friends and are willing to bend over backward, and sacrifice ourselves, nothing is too difficult, as they would do the same for us.

Enjoy this type of communication and friendship, learn to grow them, and make them more abundant in your life.

Let’s now look at the second type of communication.

No 2: Communication of a Cry for Help

I’m sure you have experienced this type of communication more than you would like to admit, me included.

In this type of communication, the person in front of you is in a negative emotional state. They are angry, sad, shouting, screaming, upset, and blaming. You can visibly see they are not happy; they are not in a good emotional state. Sometimes they could be blaming you or someone else for their unhappy state and concern.

Sometimes the cry for help may not be as vocal and colorful but could be a passive-aggressive quietness, or sulking demeanor, but still a cry for help.

We are intuitive beings, and it doesn’t take long to identify the type of communication in front of us and choose an appropriate response. Choosing the appropriate response may not be so easy, especially if the cry for help is directed at us personally.

What normally happens when someone is in a very overpowering emotional state and it’s been directed towards us? We normally react, our ego wakes up, sees it as an attack, and now we have a fight on our hands.

Timeout for a moment

What happens when someone is crying out for help? What does it mean? They feel overwhelmed, can’t handle the situation, don’t know how to move forward, feel stupid, and need help. They perceive an injustice has fallen upon them.

How do we help children who cry for help? We usually say, what’s wrong darling, how can I help, what do you need, how can we get back on track?

It’s the same with adults. We only cry for help when we need help. We are all operating from different levels of awareness, skills, and capabilities. If someone is crying for help, we need to help them and put our egos aside.

For us to become master communicators we need to identify the communication for what it is and respond in an appropriate way.

Pulling it all together

When going throughout your day, identify the types of communication you are having, one of love or a cry for help?

If it’s a communication of love enjoy it.

If it’s a communication of a cry for help, show empathy, let the person talk, settle them down, and just listen and acknowledge. Hear them out and let them empty their bucket of all their concerns and worries. This is not the time to reason with them. This is the time to let them talk and release. This is the time to just listen (active listening) until they have emptied their bucket and they feel less emotional.

Years ago in an early relationship, my partner started crying for help, 10 minutes after I entered our home. I’m not sure exactly what I said but she was very angry, shouting and screaming. I knew that the words I said didn’t warrant that explosive response.

I sat in silence, taking deep breaths, observing her, acknowledging her words (doesn’t mean I agree) then after about 15 minutes she started to settle down, calm down, slow down. She emptied her bucked.

as it turned out, she had a very stressful day and shared with me a few different situations at work that caused her to be at her limit.

Once they have settled down and were allowed to speak out about their concern, they probably already solved their problem and there is not too much you need to do. Humans are intelligent beings and sometimes we just need the space, the positive empathetic energy of the other person to be present.

Please spend the next few days or weeks observing these 2 types of communication. Respond to each one accordingly. Learn not to take things personally. When someone is crying for help, it has nothing to do with us, we just happen to be in front of them at the time. It’s all about them so keep it all about them.

Now you are well on the way to becoming a master communicator with some new tools in your communication tool kit.

Paul Simos is an accomplished Executive Life Coach, Health Coach & Certified Trainer.

He has a fundamental belief about his clients which frames how they work together i.e. they already have everything they need to achieve success. His role as a coach is to stimulate and challenge his clients to unlock their successful beliefs, skills, and behavior patterns.

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