How To Say No & Have The Other Person Like You?

Saying NO, can be tough, until you discover the secret that will allow you to use the NO more frequently…

Most of us can find it hard to say no to our partners, family, friends, and work colleagues.

No one likes to have a NO dropped on them, it just doesn’t feel right.

Having to deliver a NO is equally as painful. Well, it was for me until a few years ago.

If that sounds like you, the ability not to say NO, is fraught with danger, especially if we can’t deliver on our promise.

No one wants to fall short of not delivering but at the same time we don’t want to be silenced in delivering an all-powerful NO, where appropriate.

How do we deliver an all-powerful NO, keep the person in front of us open and engaged, so we can create a win /win outcome?

How to say NO and keep the conversation positive and open

Step 1:

• Acknowledge the other person’s comment, suggestion, or directive (whether you agree or not). This will keep the channel of communication open with both parties being receptive to what each other is saying.

For example; Hey John, I would like you to go to the bookstore now, to pick up a package that is waiting for me! (you are in the middle of a project and want to finish it first before you leave your desk)

Your response will be to acknowledge the request only. Not to jump in as say what you would like yet.

For example; Yes Peter, I hear you. You would like me to go to the bookstore now, to pick up a package that is waiting for you!

We have just validated Peter’s request and repeated it to him in his very own words.

At this point, the communication channels are still open with both parties in a receptive state. (if I was to say NO, and say what I wanted, Peter would stop listening and be thinking of a counter-argument)

Step 2:

• State your own desired outcome including the outcome of the other person. Now we will combine the 2 outcomes for a win/win solution.

For example; Ok Peter, I will pick up your package at the bookstore for you in about 20 minutes as I’m about to complete this project, how does that sound?

We continue to acknowledge the importance of Peter’s package while at the same time completing our own work.

Peter is completely open in this conversation because the word NO hasn’t appeared even though we have disagreed with Peter’s timing.

The secret is to keep the rapport going and use the agreement frame by acknowledging the other person’s outcome (keeping the communication open) and including your own outcome for a win/win.

In summary

This is a very simple yet very powerful technique to stand in our power, learn to say NO, and take the conversation towards a win/win outcome.

Yes, we used a simple example in this case and the more we practice this agreement frame the easier it becomes and the more creative we can become.

We all need to learn to say NO and build that positive habit, in certain circumstances. When we can master the agreement frame, while at the same time keeping the other person on the side, we will truly be on the way to becoming, a master communicator.

 

 

Paul Simos is an accomplished Executive Life Coach, Health Coach & Certified Trainer.

He has a fundamental belief about his clients which frames how they work together i.e. they already have everything they need to achieve success. His role as a coach is to stimulate and challenge his clients to unlock their successful beliefs, skills, and behavior patterns.

 Free Masterclass Training, How To Get More Successful Outcomes In Your Professional & Personal Relationships… By Saying “NO” (The Right Way)…